For me.. Gender is...

It's the end of the semester and I think I should do a conclusion and sum up what I learned so far.

I think Gender and post-modernism can be related.
Post-modernism is all about truths and whatever works because there is no a single TRUTH anymore. So as Gender, in this case, gender is a way to express ourselves. There is no right or wrong anymore. Gender is more like an identity and we are freely to identify ourselves in todays world.

Gender is a concept. It is a concept on our mind and what we have been thinking shapes how we think about gender in our society. Or maybe should I say, Gender is NOT real, it is just something on our mind.

Gender is socially constructed. Our social history shapes how we see gender differences.

Religion and Gender

What we believe and what are our faiths shapes how we look at different things, including how we identify ourselves and look at Gender.

Today in class, we had a student, Larissa, who grew up in a Greek Orthodox family and how she sees the relationship between Gender and Religion. This reminds me the first time I had interaction with a Greek Orthodox family when I was hitch-hiking to the Grand Canyon. They were my first hitch-hiking experience. The father is a father at a Greek Orthodox church in New York City. We spent about 2 hours in the car talking about religions and the church of Greek Orthodox.

One thing that I observed is that the father and the son made all the decisions, from when to stop, what do read in the car, and to which way to drive do. The mother was just sitting there enjoying chatting with me and acting a more caring role. She is more like a assistant. I felt like she has the best job ever, in which is telling people how beautiful they are and sharing laughs with everyone that she knows. (She kept telling me I am beautiful.. and I have beautiful eyes...) Her job is to make people feel warm and happy. But did she choose to do this? Could she work from 9-5 in a office rather than helping her partner? I feel like Larissa is right. I don't think she had the choices or she never thoughts there would be any other choices anyways. So is this also an example of oppression? I don't think she suffer from the traditions or the policies that made by that religion. But Oppression is also hard to see. What do you think?

Oppression!

Another example: It is common in the United States that women, especially younger women, are in a bind where neither sexual activity nor sexual inactivity is all right. If she is heterosexually active, a woman is open to censure and punishment for being loose, unprincipled, or a whore. The "punishment" comes in the form of criticism, snide and embarrassing remarks, being treated as an easy lay by men, scorn from her more restrained female friends. She may have to lie and hide her behavior from her parents. She must juggle the risks of unwanted pregnancy and dangerous contraceptives. On the other hand, if she refrains from heterosexual activity, she is fairly constantly harassed by men who try to persuade her into it

and pressure her to "relax" and "let her hair down"; she is threatened with labels like "frigid," "uptight," "manhater," "bitch," and "cocktease." The same parents who would be disapproving of her sexual activity may be worried by her inactivity because it suggests she is not or will not be popular, or is not sexually normal. She may be charged with lesbianism. If a woman is raped, then if she has been heterosexually active she is subject to the presumption that she liked it (since her activity is presumed to show that she likes sex), and if she has not been heterosexually active, she is subject to the presumption that she liked it (since she is supposedly "repressed and frustrated"). Both heterosexual activity and heterosexual nonactivity are likely to be taken as proof that you wanted to be raped, and hence, of course, weren't really raped at all. You can't win. You are caught in a bind, caught between systematically related pressures. (Gender Basics: Feminist Perspectives on Women and Men, 2nd Ed. Minas, Anne. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth/Thomson Learning. 2000 pp 10-16.) 

 When I was reading this, I was disappointed, at the same time I am infuriated that I cannot disagree. This not only applies to women, but men as well. Our society is full of this kinda of 'assumptions' and norms. But if we really look into this deeply, everyone should find this kind of assumptions very stupid. So you can't have too much sex, too less sex, or have wild sex? But at the same time, there is no a universal definition of 'too much' 'too less' or 'too wild'. Why judge? we are all living in a post-postmodern society.

Gay = 3rd Gender?

http://www.whitecranejournal.com/50/art5004.asp

I was reading this blog and found it very interesting to read.

Gay = 3rd Gender? What do you think?

I just think if we call male and female the 1st and 2nd gender is just WRONG.

My Gender Identity...

Today we learned a model in class that how other see us, is related to how we identify ourselves, as well as how we express ourselves. These three elements are related.

Here is my model:

I think others see me as a male but not 100% male. I think its more like M M M M F

(I think part of the reasons that people think of me in this way is because I am an asian? Because if I am in Hong Kong, it would be a different view)

I think I identify myself as a male. ( M M M M M)

I like enjoy being a male and i don't think I can ever spend hours to get ready everyday like most girls do.

And I express myself as a male most of time. (M M M M O)

Transgender?!

We had a presentation about transgender issues today. But one thing still bothers me is how is transgender related to sexuality.

For example, If I am more attached to men and wanted to be the more feminine role in the relationship, am I consider a female? Or If I were a woman, and I only attach to female( but the person is a transgender man), am I a lesbian or straight? There was a couple in our class who is in this kind of relationship and they label themselves as lesbians, but she has a penis!? and Sexuality is related to SEX instead of gender-based. Sex is biological and a woman who is attached to a man (even she expresses herself as a female individual) , doesn't this make her straight? Or Sexuality could also be gendered in some situations?

We also talked a little bit about Drag Queen issues and how we all express ourselves in ways that related to how we identify ourselves, as well as the Two-Sprilt Native American group people. In my opinion, words like 'Male' and 'Female' are culturally constructed, and in some places like Hongkong, 'middle-sex' is commonly known. These words are NOT real. They are just an image on our mind. If we start to make some changes like educating our new generation that genders could be male, female, n/a, mostly female but sometimes male ... ... Shouldn't we have a better world where everyone understand that no matter what, we are all human beings?! The key is really about our public policies and social institutions haven't given us a clear idea about what gender and sexuality are all about.

Places like Ghana, Male same-sex sexual acts are illegal in Ghana, though female same-sex sexual activity is legal. It is NOT fair and this is still happening is because the policy makers do not understand that, after all, we are all human beings, not matter how we look like, how different is our skin color, or how we express ourselves.

Me and my friend, Kevin, who is a famous drag queen in Oregon.

UGLY BETTY!?

Ugly betty has been a popular TV show for a few years. In America, we don't see too many latino actors/actresses on the TV and we rarely see any asians stats on TV (Well, except Ken Jeong in The Hangover, or, maybe you could say Jackie Chan is kinda famous)

But most people that we saw on the TV or movies are White people. It makes us to believe that Whiteness is normal and is commonly accepted. And at the same time, people from all over the world are watching those Hollywood movies, learning about stories of white people. White just becomes an ideal color.

Media shapes how WE see the world. Try to imagine that a person has no contact with asian people and what would she/he feel after watching the Hangover? Are all asians that crazy? Are they all short? Do they all talk so funny? This kinda of memories might just stay on our mind because we all think the actor in the movie represents realities.

Oppressions

I want to share this poem with everyone who is reading this.










WHEN I WAS GROWING UP

Nellie Wong

I know now that once I longed to be white. How? you ask. Let me tell you the ways. when I was growing up, people told me I was dark and I believed my own darkness in the mirror, in my soul, my own narrow vision. when I was growing up, my sisters with fair skin got praised for their beauty and I fell further, crushed between high walls. when I was growing up, I read magazines and saw movies, blonde movie stars, white skin, sensuous lips and to be elevated, to become a woman, a desirable woman, I began to wear imaginary pale skin. when I was growing up, I was proud of my English, my grammar, my spelling, fitting into the group of smart children, smart Chinese children, fitting in, belonging, getting in line. when I was growing up and went to high school, I discovered the rich white girls, a few yellow girls, their imported cotton dresses, their cashmere sweaters, their curly hair and I thought that I too should have what these lucky girls had. when I was growing up, I hungered for American food, American styles coded: white and even to me, a child born of Chinese parents, being Chinese was feeling foreign, was limiting, was unAmerican. when I was growing up and a white man wanted to take me out, I thought I was special, an exotic gardenia, anxious to fit the stereotype of an oriental chick when I was growing up, I felt ashamed of some yellow men, their small bones, their frail bodies, their spitting on the streets, their coughing, their lying in sunless rooms shooting themselves in the arms. when I was growing up, people would ask If I were Filipino, Polynesian, Portuguese. They named all colors except white, the shell of my soul but not my rough dark skin. when I was growing up, I felt dirty. I thought that god made white people clean and no matter how much I bathed, I could not change, I could not shed my skin in the gray water. when I was growing up, I swore I would run away to purple mountains, houses by the sea with nothing over my head, with space to breathe, uncongested with yellow people in an area called Chinatown, in an area I later learned was a ghetto, one of many hearts of Asian America. I know now that once I longed to be white. How many more ways? you ask. Haven't I told you enough?

Since I am a minority here in the US, so I ask myself, how did I feel I was living here in the US?

During my last 3 years living in the US as an asian male, I was surprised that so many Americans came to me and expected that (a) I am good at Math (b) My major is Business or Engineering (c) I eat rice everyday.

However, I failed to meet all these expectations form them.
First, I am NOT good at Math. I didn't finish high school and I supposed to have 2 years Math to take. But I skipped 2 years of High-school and went directly to a college in the US. I got a B in Math for Liberal Arts at a public college (the easiest class that everyone got an A/A-) and also a D- in Calculus, and I still remember I got a 37/100 in my final. Compared to American students, I am bad at Math.

Second, I can't study science with my Math skills and I didn't even interested in studying Business anymore. I still remember how it felt being the only asian student in a History class during my 1st year of college.

Plus, I do not eat rice every day. I only had rice like once /week even I was in Asia. I prefer pasta and noodle.

I feel like Americans had been labeled Asians in many ways and it seemed to me that we were all the same to most Americans. But we are NOT. And this kind of wrong beliefs have made us to limited ourselves sometimes and maybe wasting our times to overcome problems that it bought to us.

I remember pretty much all my asian or asian-american friends told me that- If you can't get into UC Berkeley, UCLA, or not even USC, people would think you are a stupid asian (at least all asians would think so). And that's why UCB has more asians student than white students, because all asians (especially for those in California) are expected to get accepted to UCB. The society is making us to 'adjust' and 'be part of the norms'. While all my Hong Kong friends are going to UCB, USC, and UCLA happily and feel like being accepted by the asian community, I was the only one who choose not to attend any of those schools and this made my mother did not talk to me for 3 months. I had to goto the food bank a few times and was homeless for the whole summer. See how much you will suffer from these kind of expectation?

I would say, all my asian friends are very hard-working, and they try very hard to overcome how others look at them but still adjust themselves to meet some of their expectations that others have.

Gender across cultures

It's two very famous singers and actresses in Asia singing a song about American Cowboys...
No wonder so many asians want to be cowboys... or cowgirls...

Media does affect how we express ourselves. In this case, people in Asia are interested in American culture and western ideas in general. When people in Asia watch TV shows and Music Videos, they instantly get the idea about what to be and who they might want to be. SO, some people want to be cowboys because they think cowboys are cool but they never watch hippies in Music Videos in Hongkong and they had no idea what does hippies do. The option of being a hippie man has never came to their mind, but cowboys.

Media gives us a chance to learn about new ideas and influences how we think, at the same time, it limits us what we think.

Gender is... A SPECTRUM!

What is Gender for you? For me, it is something that is culturally constructed and its meaning changes over time and different across cultures.  There is no a universal meaning for it, but a just sociological image on our mind. Gender helps us to see the relationship between sex and personal identity/expression. But it also limited us to express ourselves in ways that we want. Should we keep the word gender or should we teach our kids more about 'identity' and 'equality'

Sex Education and the Promiscuous culture in the US

I remember I didn't have any formal sex education in my life except a 'lesson' during my first week at Juniata College, and I was 19 at that time. I remember that I learned what is 'sexual harassments' , 'alcohol abuse' and 'rapes'.

But before that, I didn't know anything and my schools didn't teach me anything related to 'sex.' Maybe one reason is I skipped the last two years of my high school or maybe I went to three different elementary school. I didn't really know anything except reading about sex differences in the biology book.

Overall, I would say I didn't know anything about sex when I was in Hongkong. When I was 17, I moved to the US and I got a free condom from the college newspaper when I was going to college in Seattle. I was very curious and took a few. I didn't know about condoms have different favors because sex is a topic that people avoid talking about in their daily conversations in Hongkong (Maybe thats why we have the lowest birth rate). So, i opened those condom and read the instruction and realized how 'complicated' that it was. I had lots of questions all of a sudden, for example, what should i do with the top part, how to put it on correctly?... what if it breaks? should we use it for oral sex? I didn't know who to talk to about all these.

After living in the US for a while, many of my friends started to talk about 'sex' in our daily conversations and I was very surprised that they were very open to talk about all these topics and answer all the questions that I have. I also remember meeting a guy who is HIV positive and he told me he never use condom for oral sex and his partner is still HIV negative. I first thought kissing with someone who is positive would give me AIDS. but I found out I really didn't know anything.

I think our culture plays an important roles in sex education. In Hongkong, where a place has the lowest birth rate and the people is conservative about these issues, kids don't know much about sex. But meanwhile, less underage kids have sex and less people have active sex partners. It seems to me that the less we know, the better we might be?! But on the other hand, kids in Hongkong don't know anymore and they will not be able to handle the situations when they experience these issues.

Should me spend more money to educate our kids about sex in which might make them to have more sex? OR should we not to promote sex education (or a I remember I didn't have any formal sex education in my life except a 'lesson' during my first week at Juniata College, and I was 19 at that time. I remember that I learned what is 'sexual harassments' , 'alcohol abuse' and 'rapes'.

But before that, I didn't know anything and my schools didn't teach me anything related to 'sex.' Maybe one reason is I skipped the last two years of my high school or maybe I went to three different elementary school. I didn't really know anything except reading about sex differences in the biology book. 

Overall, I would say I didn't know anything about sex when I was in Hongkong. When I was 17, I moved to the US and I got a free condom from the college newspaper when I was going to college in Seattle. I was very curious and took a few. I didn't know about condoms have different favors because sex is a topic that people avoid talking about in their daily conversations in Hongkong (Maybe thats why we have the lowest birth rate). So, i opened those condom and read the instruction and realized how 'complicated' that it was. I had lots of questions all of a sudden, for example, what should i do with the top part, how to put it on correctly?... what if it breaks? should we use it for oral sex? I didn't know who to talk to about all these. 

After living in the US for a while, many of my friends started to talk about 'sex' in our daily conversations and I was very surprised that they were very open to talk about all these topics and answer all the questions that I have. I also remember meeting a guy who is HIV positive and he told me he never use condom for oral sex and his partner is still HIV negative. I first thought kissing with someone who is positive would give me AIDS. but I found out I really didn't know anything.

I think our culture plays an important roles in sex education. In Hongkong, where a place has the lowest birth rate and the people is conservative about these issues, kids don't know much about sex. But meanwhile, less underage kids have sex and less people have active sex partners. It seems to me that the less we know, the better we might be?! But on the other hand, kids in Hongkong don't know anymore and they will not be able to handle the situations when they experience these issues.

Should me spend more money to educate our kids about sex in which might make them to have more sex? OR should we not to promote sex education (or a promiscuous culture )?

Sexual Assault

Some people think this is an uncommon topic but I was told by a social worker that 'it is common as hell.' According to the U.S. Department of Justice, somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes. Plus not all cases were reported. The situation her in the US might be much better than some other developing countries where laws do not really protect its citizens.


But why is this still happening in the US? Have anyone thought of it? 


I think it is because of lack of sex education. If we all know what Sexual Assault is, maybe we will avoid it. Some people rape the others because of the use of drugs and have been drinking. And some people thought it was okay to do so, as they guess the others were okay with it. This is NOT good.... 

Oppression

Our society is like a system that limits the way we act, think, and learn. And one most important factors that shape different personal experience is our social location. Sometimes I feel like it is not fair for some people receive different opportunities based on their sex, gender, or sexual orientations.

The article You Can’t Keep a Good Woman Down by Alice Walker that I read for class was very interesting to me and it gives me a new perspective looking at oppression.

True, black people were slaves in the US history, but I never looked at how black women felt about their relationship to sex. Sex is one of the 'key' element of marriage and relationship and I cant imagined that black women have to experience this kind of issue every day. They were labelled by many others as sex slaves and sex machine. How could one easily adjust with these terms? 

This is a sad article to read.

Gender Roles in Relationships

We were talking about gender roles in relationships in class today. Relationships among people are becoming more and more complicated today, including come people enjoy being in an open relationship or never plan to get married. Because of these, roles within a relationship are also becoming more and more complicated. Roles of men and women are switching, or changing. and I think, this is a good sign. Genders become a less important factor in our relationship, women are not expected to be the cooks of the family or men are not expected to support the family anymore. 

It seems to be that we are becoming more and more open-minded about gender roles here in the US. but it also means the meaning of marriage, or relationship is changing among people. Do you think it is a good thing? or should we keep the traditions?  

Human Trafficking

We were talking about human trafficking in class today, but I didn't really have any knowledge about this subject before today. I cannot believe that this is happening all over the world. I was searching more information about the topic after the class and found a very good movie related to Human Trafficking.

This movie really made me to think more about human trafficking in a deeper way. What if this is happening to people that we know? In that movie, the man's daughter was being sold at the market in Europe after being kidnapped. We travel a lot these days, and this increases the chance that this may happen to any of us because these human trafficking groups are still very active. People who are trafficked have no way to seek helps and no way to find a safe place. They have no identifications, no money, and no supports. They are all alone out there waiting to be saved.

One thing really surprises me is that people these days still take advantages of people who are being trafficked and the system. Many of us ignores human rights and destroy the trusting network that we have among people. Meanwhile, the government is not actively helping people who are being trafficked but spend their money to building infrastructures.

Wages Gendered....

How much would you pay for a person who needs to take care of kids and housework and can finish a task on time? and in most cases, this person would be a female.

and

How much would you pay for a person who does not need to take care of the house and get used to make decisions (in both family and work settings) and could spend more time to finish a task and get it done before its due? in most cases, this person would be a male.

It is very common to see men to be hired in a higher position and get paid more in today's society. Of course there are some expectations but the fact is, men get paid for more. 

But I think this situation is changing. When you see more women are going to college and professional schools then men do, I think women are going to get paid for more than men, or at least more and more women would work in a professional settings then men do. It is because when more and more ladies are studying at Law schools, it means less women are working on farms and these jobs will be taken by men.

Commonalities and Differences

What does a woman do in your culture? In my family, my mother was the queen, and does not know how to cook anything. Her job is to hang out with other women and maintain the family's network. I didnt know how to cook until I moved to the US when I was 17. My step-dad doesn't cook except for the holidays. Hongkong middle class women don't cook often and our maids from Thailand or Indonesia do all the cookings. 

These young ladies spend years to learn Chinese, cooking, and taking care of Chinese babies at schools that are supported by the maid agencies in Hongkong. They want to work in hongkong as a maid and make money and send it back home. Traditional women's roles are replaced by maids from other countries these days. In Hongkong, women do need to know how to cook or take care of babies. It is very common to see different women have different roles in a same culture.

"Tough Guise"

Today, we were watching a movie that discusses about the male gender roles here in the US, and how difficult it is for men to fit into the gender 'box'. Some of the men who are more feminine were treated badly by their peers.  It was a very sad movie, but it is the reality. And recently, a few gay teens committed suicide because they thought they didn't fit into the box and being gay was wrong. Here is a video that I want to share with everyone. It's uploaded by Joel Burns, Fort Worth City Councilman. He shared his personal experience about growing up as a gay man in Taxes, a place where all the sexy manly cowboys are, and how he didn't fit into the 'traditional' gender role. Joel was crying when he was speaking, and that made me cry too. Men are not tough, and men are actually very emotional. Men are also human beings, and they have feelings. However, the society seems to expect all men to hide their real feelings, and I think it is ridiculous.

Pop Culture Gone Wild

Media has made a huge influence in our culture. "Girls Gone Wild"is definitely one of those gone wild shows in the entertainment industry. Girls Gone Wild (GGW) is just a business, but at the same time, it makes us to think that- all girls are wild!

I think it is not fair for all women. Yes, some girls may be wild, but even they do, not all wild girls take off their clothes anytime that want. I had a few friends who work for GGW told me that, they spent so much time to capture those 'wild' moments, and so much time to plan how to get the most attractive girls to be on the show. Everything that we watched are well-edited. They just picked a few women who are wild and try to represent all girls in the country; showing us how girls should act. It seems to me that they are trying to make our society to think girls should stop reading and playing piano but take off all their clothes, right now. 

Like I said, it is a business. All they care about is making money and sell as many copies as possible. But I don't think it is the right thing to do. 

Born to be Gay?

Today, we had a guest speaker to share some information about how men and women are different from each other biologically. I always thought that Sex and Gender are two different things, one is biological, and the other one, is socially constructed. However, after today, I realized that gender is totally related to sex. Our mind and body affect the way we act. Men's brains allow men to be 'more organized' and women are more 'emotional'.

Also, sciences have proofed that gay people are 'born' to be gay. So doesn't that mean their minds are like women and their body are like other mens? Some gay men are more dominated, like most men, while the other gay men are more submissive, like women. And what about Bi-sexual people? How can biologists explain this?

Gender roles and power

In our culture, men have more power then women in both private and public settings. For example, men are the ones who make decisions at home and most men have higher positions than women. I think it is very unfair for women to be treated like this. Maybe some people argues that women suppose to take care of babies and housework, while men should spend more time and energy on doing something more important, such as making decisions. But, do all women just want to spend all their time at home or and do all men want to make decisions?

I think after the women's movements, women and men are treated more equally, plus the society accepts gay people more. Women and men's roles are changing (or shifting)... More men stay home while women go out and work. Maybe 20 years later, taking care of kids and doing housework might be all men's top career options....

Women's Rights are Human RIghts

We are all human beings, no matter you are a woman or man, you should have the rights and freedoms like everyone else. However, these days, women have been treated unequally. In many countries, women and men are not equal, even here in the US, many policies still in favor men. No matter where you are, we can see one has more power than another. It is just not fair and our humanity shouldnt be like this. Also, it is not just about women's rights, it is also about human rights for every individual.

But I think before we talk about women's rights, maybe we all need to understand human rights more first. Then, it would be easier for us to realize women's rights and rights for minorities.

Conflicts?

It is impossible that we never experienced conflicts in our life. From something very small like our personal  attitudes to something like our behavior. We can't never do what others want us to do and feel exactly how others feel. Conflicts are something that we cannot avoid in our daily life, just simply because we all think differently.

You’re a Hardcore Feminist!

Chapter 1 brings out the idea of being a feminist. Feminists are EVERYWHERE. These are the people who believe that women can do as great as men, and women and men should be treated equally. That's it. It's a belief, and it's what we want in our society. Feminists are not 'ugly' at all and they don't yell at men how stupid they are. and Men can be feminists as well... 

Feminists bring out the idea of gender equalities in many different way, in our daily life. Feminists are peaceful, pretty, and easy-going.

I am a feminist.

Today, we had two girls acting guys watching football and two guys acting how girls shop. There was also a girl trying to act like how a guy pick up a girl. After that, we had a few discussions about how they were all doing it in a wrong way. But one thing that I wanted to know was, is shopping only for girls?

I think many guys who live in the city DO shop like girls; or maybe I should say, they shop in the ways how girls shop. I think it is because the city culture has made shopping to become a less-gendered activity. Outside of the city, there is not too many places for men to buy clothes, shoes, and accessories. But in the city, shops and malls are everywhere and men have no problems finding places to shop. For example, New York has a Coach Men Store that just opened a few months ago. Coach is famous for its handbags for women, but it started to market men and sell menswear and bags in the city. It is just because shopping is something that men also like to do, at least in the city, and shopping seems like a less-gendered thing to do.

Sometimes, I asked why my male friends, who are from Central PA, why don't they shop. They told me that holding a shopping bag would make them look like a girl. The first thing came to mind was like, really? But, it could be true. Guys outside of the city have no access to shops that are famous for mens clothing, such as Hugo Boss or Dunhill. Of course shopping became a women-only kind of thing...

ideal man/woman....

We had about 5 groups to talk about what we think an 'ideal' man/woman should be. I found we do expect a lot from a man or woman. An ideal man, we think, should be talented, is a leader, kind, can drink, and knows how to drive. I think none of us could have all these elements at the same time. Plus, I found this 'ideal' man image could be different from place to place, across the US, and the world. Men in Hongkong don't drive because public transportation is very easy to assess. This situation applies to places like New York or San Fran. As for me, I think everyone could be an ideal man, as we are the only people who can create our own realities.